Happy 18th...My First Pride & Joy

It wouldn't really be fair to write about Brandon's first day of high school without writing about the next big significant event in Adam's life, would it?

Adam was 16 when his Dad died.

Today he turned 18.

Granted, he was almost 17 when Chuck passed away.

Honestly, I don't even REMEMBER Adam's birthday last year.

I don't remember how or why or with whom or where I spent my time this time last year. I really don't remember much of anything. Think about a foggy morning. The fog eventually clears and then you can see all of the familiar things. I'm kind of in that phase of the fog clearing.

But then you experience another foggy morning and you forgot just how difficult it was. You may have driven through the fog many, many mornings before. But you still forget just how scary it is to navigate...

And just how strange it feels...to be in a familiar place, on a familiar street...yet your nerves are still heightened because it feels like you are on uncharted territory. Think of those very dark and foggy mornings when you just KNOW there is a traffic light up ahead...but no matter how hard you squint, you can't make out the color.

It is very, VERY scary.

Anyways, Adam turned 18 today. Bittersweet, for sure. I mean, I have friends who have been saddened by the fact that their kid turned 18. I understand that. Then again (if you know the troubles I've had with that kid!) you would understand my sense of relief. Either way...I was determined that this day would be just like any other birthday.

And, it was...

In the noticeable manner.

I went to the store to buy him a card...but I took just a little more time REALLY reading them this year.

I went to the bank to withdraw some cash to slip into the card...but I took just a little more out than normal. (This IS one of the big birthdays, right???)

And then I went home. I needed to sign my name on the card and slip the ca$h inside. Then...it hit me. Something I've been considering all along. Something I just KNEW I had to do. I sat down and wrote Adam a letter to slip in to his card along side the cash.

A letter...about his birth, my fears, my hopes, my love for him. The pride I have in the fact that he is my son. And about how grateful I am to have him in my life.

Adam got home when no one was here. He had a little time to read the card and letter while he was alone and could really concentrate on it.

And do you know what happened when I got home? For the first time EVER...Adam took it upon himself to thank me for the card. He didn't mention the money. He didn't mention the note. But he thanked me. And I know he was grateful to hear all of those things I always WANT to say to him but I just never do.

But the last paragraph in the note? Maybe that's what he was really thanking me for.

I had to mention his Dad. I had to tell Adam that, even though he didn't say it often, Chuck was proud to have him as a son. Even when they butted heads. Even when they acted so much alike that they couldn't get along. Even when one or the other turned away from a loving gesture.

Chuck was always proud to have Adam as a son. Adam needed to hear that.

I shared with him how I think his Dad is still here, somehow, in spirit...and still feeling pride.

Especially when he sees this next journey Adam is about to embark on. Instead of going out for a relaxing birthday dinner, Adam chose to spend his time at the Marine Recruiters office. He texted Brandon and said that this physical conditioning is much more important than a meal.

He's strong.

He's determined.

He's my son.

He's my Baby Boy.

And I'm so proud of him.....

And so is his Dad.

Happy 18th Birthday, Adam. I love you.

And I feel so proud and privileged to be your Mom.