Yesterday I went to the store to buy some graduation cards. While there, I realized that my stepson's birthday was only 2 days away. So I was on a quest to find a card for Eddy. I knew it wouldn't be easy to find just the right card but it was damn near impossible.
There were a lot of things to consider. I wanted to find a card that his Dad would have most likely picked out for him. But I didn't want to put a damper on his birthday by sending him a card for a "son". Would he appreciate that or would it upset him? I didn't see any cards labeled "stepson" either. So I moved on to the general section. "For someone special" sounded about right. It should be easy to find at least one there as there were several to choose from. Yeah, several pink ones, flowery ones, just plain old girly ones. I did finally find one that seemed acceptable. (Maybe I should have just browsed the "belated" section...because it will never get to Phoenix by tomorrow!)
Task accomplished, right? Not quite.
Is it morbid that I felt the need to buy an Anniversary and Father's Day card for Chuck? I mean, I bought one for his birthday and Valentine's Day. He would say it's a waste of money. Cards aren't cheap these days. (And the 99 cent cards just won't do.) It's always been easy to pick out cards for him. We both liked the simple ones that got right to the point. Of course, I usually filled up the rest of the space inside...and sometimes even on to the back...with a long note to him.
It's not easy anymore. Not because it makes me sad. Not because it reminds me of special occasions in the past. But because they all talk about our future together. Or about how we will always be there for each other. Or about how far we've come and what we've got to look forward to. Hallmark doesn't make cards for the deceased. They make cards for "missing you". They make get well cards and sympathy cards and "I'm sorry" cards. Maybe it IS too morbid. At least for Hallmark. Or am I just the only one who places laminated greeting cards at a gravesite?
Maybe I should write a letter to the card companies. I've invested a lot of money in their products over the years. (I have a box full of cards that me and Chuck have exchanged in the last 20 years.) I'm not really being serious about writing a letter. They would think I'm nuts, I'm sure.
Maybe I'll just invest in some card paper and start printing my own. That would be the simple solution, wouldn't it?
Oh, and just to let you know, I did finally find all of the cards I needed after spending 45 minutes in the card aisle! Thank you, Hallmark!
Followers
About Me
- Jodi
- I am a 37-year-old recent widow (although I still consider myself to be a wife) and a mother. I am not a writer but it is something I have always enjoyed. Sometimes there is a purpose to what I write or an occasion to write about. Mostly it is just my way to record random thoughts and memories that pop into my head. I started a blog shortly after my husband died for several reasons. If it helps those in my life to get a better picture of what's inside my mind and my heart, it is worth it. But most of all, I write for selfish reasons. I write to have a permanent record of this very difficult journey. I write so I never forget, so I can see any progress I make, and as an outlet for my emotions. This is my way of opening up and processing all of the feelings that would otherwise remain locked inside of me. So this is my "story". Sometimes I will write about bittersweet memories of the past. Sometimes I will pour my heart out about the pain and tears, the happiness and laughter, of the present day. Other times I may write about my hopes and fears for the future. Don't we all wonder how the rest of our story will play out? Here's to looking backwards...and living forward.
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